High school, bad relationship, and becoming a mom. One hell of a ride

Posted on by llorrainea

I have been debating on whether or not I want to start a blog or write a book about my past relationships up to the one I am in now, giving advice on what to do and what not to do. I have finally decided that maybe I can mix the two together a little bit. I am only 22. I still have my whole life a head of me, but I have also been through a lot; cheating, lying, babies, hook ups, break ups, and learning to love again. Here is my story starting from six years ago until present day.
It was the summer of 2009 I just turned seventeen and going into my junior year of high school. I was partying of course- who doesnt party in high school?- sitting in a car while everyone around me was smoking a joint. (I do not smoke weed) the song Big Green Tractor by Jason Aldean came on and I just loved it so of course, me being the drunk as fuck teenager I was, starting singing at the top of my lungs. Everyone looke at me like I was stupid and left except one kid. Not saying any names because he doesnt matter anymore… he stayed and began singing the song with me at the top of his lungs too. Right then I knew that I had to have him. I had to get his number somehow.
When the song ended he smiled at me, got out of the car, and went back to the party, I followed. I tried to keep my distance for as long as I could until he was ready to go home so I hopped in the car with him. he whipped out his phone to check his messages and I noticed he had a blackberry. I didnt have one so I thought this was the best time to get his number! I asked him if I could see his phone because I just thought it was the coolest thing in the world.. I really didnt, it was just a blackberry.. anyway, he let me see it so i put my number in it. He must have realized that night because I went home and passed out in my sisteres DOGS bed (haha!) and when I woke up the next morning I got a text that read “I think you are sexy.” I was on cloud nine. Fuck the hangover that was making my head pound ridiculously. I was so happy like a ten year old going to chuck e cheese for the first time. Little did I know this kid was only going to cause me heart ache the next five years.
As time went by I fell in love with him even more every single day. We spent almost everyday together and talked 24/7. At first I thought I had the relationship that every girl wanted in high school. The one that was going to ened up with me marrying my high school sweet heart. -I was so wrong.- After showing me that he was so awesone for a couple months he took a complete turn. I started finding notes from other girls in his room, people were telling me they seen him with this girl and that girl, and of course Ii didnt believe any of it because I was so “in love”. It came down to my dad over hearing him on the phone one day when he was suspended from school- because that happened a lot- talking to another girl calling her babe and telling her that he will meet up with her when he get into town- he was already in town at my parents-. Thats when I started believing everything, because why would my dad lie to me right?
I broke up with him. This was about six months into our relationship. I sent him packing back out to his grandparents that he lived with at the time. He didnt say one word, just left. I was completely heart broken. I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep. He called me about a million times a day telling me how miserable he was and that he was sorry and every other excuse you could think of. Finally after like two weeks. -The longest two weeks of my life- I got back with him, you know, because he swore to the sweet Lord above that he would never do it again. LIAR! My trust for him was completely gone so of course I snooped around constantly in his cell phone, wallet, and bedroom. It only took a couple more weeks until I started finding COUNTLESS pictures of so many different girls on his cell phone and cell phone numbers in his wallet. I made a big deal out of every one of them and EVERY TIME we fought about it for a few hours and he told me he would delete it and never do it again. OF COURSE I believed him because you know, I loved him.
This went on with the girls in our high school until he graduated in 2010. I constantly hated every single girl that looked his way or even stood close to him because I thought/ knew in the back of my head that he cheated on me with them, or atleast tried. I only had girl friends that had boyfriends because I was scared that he would try to get with them. -The boyfriends didnt stop him, he tried getting with them anyway-.
After he graduated, summer came around. I thought maybe through the summer we could grow together more and try to fix things. Boy was I wrong… his mom decided to get a hold of him. She lives all the way on the other side of that state, on the Philly side. She talked him into going over there to visit her. He was so excited to go and although I acted excited for him I was honestly sick to my stomach with anxiety because I knew what was going to go down over there. He wasnt with me, he knew what he could do. He knew that sicne no one knew me over there he could roll up acting single as all hell and no body would know that I would be over here in this town completely in love with him, waiting for him to get back.
It was one oclock on a Friday that a big blue truck came rolling into his grandmas driveway. His mom hopped out with some dude. First time I ever met his mom. She was wearing booty shorts to her ass, no teeth, and strangly blonde hair. -Think of a crack head prostitute in your mind…. whatever image popped up, that was her.- Other than what she looked like she was nice, she also looked me dead in the eye and told me that she would make sure he got a hold of me everyday and that he would be good, and home in a week.
As they drove off my mind was at ease. he texted me the whole way there and that night. That was the end of it. I tried every single day, every possible way to get a hold of him. I got absolutely nothing. The day he was supposed to come home he never did. A week turned into a month and a half. But I waited. The whole time I waited and was faithful. I did nothing but stay home and hope that he would get a hold of me. I fell into a depression. Didnt eat, Didnt sleep. Had anxiety every day. I lost about twenty pounds. For a month and a half I stayed home and didnt talk to anyone but my family.
FINALLY one day he got a new cell phone, because apparently he broke his, and he texted me. I was happy but told him that if he didnt come home then I was done. He could stay there and I was moving on. So he asked his grandparents to go pick him up and we did just that. We drove all the way over there and back just to pick him up. I was so happy when I seen him. We made out the whole 7 hour ride home. -Probably too much information but oh well-.
When we got home I had to go back to school. It was around the middle of September, surprisingly everything was goo between us for a little while. He stayed with me at my house -which was my parents at the time- and I went to school while he stayed there and waited for me to come home.

…..

While in school I recently found out that my best friend was pregnant. So I was doing my best to keep her calm and help her through it all. Kids in gym class were calling her prego -which honestly wasnt that big of a deal though because we knew them all- and they even said that I was next. I of course said Hell no! I am not having any babies ever! Well, a month later I found out that I was pregant. Surprise, Surprise!
I found out in December. The day after Christmas. I wasnt completely sure at first because the test showed one bold line and the other was faint. I also wasnt sure how it happened, I was on the pill. -now that I think about I probably missed a few days… what? I was a busy senior…- I was scared shitless to say the least. First person I told was one of my best friends at the time. She freaked out a little, haha. Then I told him… through a text and he replied with “ok, take another one and if you are, we can do this.” -he probably misspelled every word, he does that.- which made me feel a little better knowing that he wasnt going to leave me over it. I was dreading telling my parents. So many thoughts ran through my head on how to tell them.
I decided on going with my mom first though, I can tell her absolutely anything and she would never judge me for it. So this is how I went about it.
Me: “Mom, I need your help with something.”
Her: “What?”
Me: “My friend took a pregnancy test and the first lone came out bold and visible, she could see the other line but it was real faint.”
– Seems like she got a little excited because she started raising her voice saying,
“You better tell her to take another one then because if the other line is showing that means she is pregnant!”
– this is where I started bawling my eyes out and she was so confused!
Me: “It was me! I was the one that took the test! what should I do?!”
-She instantly calmed down.
Her: “Its okay honey I will buy you another test so you can take it first thing in the morning.”
I was thinking alright then that was easy. I took the test in the morning and there were the two lines. Clear as day. I was a pregnant 18 year old senior in high school -I also had a job at giant eagle but wuit a few days later because I wasnt about to take on all the stress from school, work, and pregnancy.- So anyway, I showed my mom and her exact words were…
“The only punishment I am going to give you is… you have to tell your dad yourself.”
Fear came over me. My dad and I have always been best friends. How was I supposed to tell him that I am having a baby?